Did i just mention "stress"?? I have never experience stress before since i get into secondary school, university. Finally and lastly i know how a stress will affect people and how the feeling is when people face stress. Its very suffering when the stress is coming.
Duno why.... I'm just too worried about my study. I know there will be nothing that will be 100% perfect but I just want to make it to the optimun level that i can achieve. That's why this is the 1st time i experience stress. Last time when i saw people study very stressful, i cant understand their situation, i feel that, "It just an exam, what for make yourself so stress till your mother also cant recognise??" Now the situation had changed. Its my turn to be the "victim" of stress.
Last time, i was very confidence or i should say that i never been so fear of the subject that i studied. I feel that the subject is just ok for me to studied and it will not be too difficult. The same feeling goes to my degree. At 1st, i really feel that the subject we are taking is quite easy cause we had alsready studied before in foundation. However, once i receive my result for the math....OH GOD!!! I actually failed my math. I never fail before but then this is the 1st time and its the subject i like very very very much... How can it be like this?? What have actually happen to me?? Is it because this study environment over here?? I dun think so because i do not fail any other subject. Then, the problem shoud be lies on 1 person--LIM YONG CHIANG!!
The result of my math keep on flying over my eyes whenever i study. Just like yesterday, Im having a econ test on monday, so i study on sun. Actually before that i have read a few times, on friday and twice on saturday. and on the same day-sunday, i also have already studied twice, once in the morning, and once at the evening. But then i just feel that its not enough. I re-studied again after i watch 2 series of movies. That moment, when i studied alone in the room, where everyone maybe is sleeping, i saw the marks keep on running out and pass through my notes. I tried to sleep but when i think about my result, i woke up again and continue read till finished.
I was once thinking in my mind. "How can I teach other people since my result is poorer than others?? Is it that I'm 装聪明 ??" I was too embarresed to teach other people since i get my result. Its was like a kind of insulting myself. Sorry for those who had asked me before but I dont answer. I not dont want just scared of something.
A poor result is unacceptable for me in this 3-year degree program because I have a lot of things to take care of!! I cant affored to fail even passing also unaffordable:
1) I'm now taking the schorlarship, if i fail once, the schorlarship will be withdrawn.
2) If the scholar is withdrawn, i will need to use my parents money
3) I dont want to use their money to study, i want to prove my strenght to them as i dont want them to worry about me!!
4) I still have one sister and two brother, so if possible, i want my parents to use money on them but not me, because i dont want to burden my parents, ITS not easy to earn $ but then we(children) are there to spend it like pipe water.
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